I have tracked down the father I never knew online – but he ignored my message | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER a quarter of a century, I have tracked down the father I never knew – but he has ignored me.

My emotions are all over the place and I don’t know what to do — do I keep trying or give up and get on with my life?

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I’m a man of 26 and was brought up by my single mum, who is 46. She never talked about my dad or told me his name.

All I knew was that they had split when she was pregnant. Although I was curious, I didn’t want to upset her by asking.

I come from a closed family, who never discuss personal issues, so I didn’t feel I could ask anyone else.

But last month, my aunt called saying she wanted to meet for coffee.

She told me she had found my dad online and felt I should know his identity. She said it was up to me if I wanted to get in touch.

She had discussed this with my mum, who was fine with it.

They were both surprised I’d never asked about him. I said that as a child I didn’t miss what I’d never had, but now I want to know about my roots.

She gave me his name and I found his profile on Facebook. He looks a lot like me, which feels weird. I went through so many emotions — hurt, elation and anger — anger because he’d never tried to contact me, even though he lives only ten miles away.

After thinking about it for a few days, I decided to send him a message, introducing myself and asking if he would like to meet.

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I put my contact details on the bottom, and said the ball was in his court. I know he has read the message but it’s been ten days and I’ve heard nothing back.

It’s like being rejected for a second time. What should I do?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Your dad may need more time. You contacted him out of the blue, and he was probably shocked to hear from you.

You will also need to consider the possibility that he may not want contact, painful as that would be. This would not be a reflection on you, only on him.

Can you talk to your mum about this? So much remains unsaid, and she can answer many of your questions.


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If it’s hard to talk, perhaps it would be easier if you wrote your questions down for her, so there’s no awkwardness.

Pak-UK (pac-uk.org) will understand what you’re going through and can help you deal with this.

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