I'm convinced my young lover will leave me for someone his own age
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M a successful, good-looking woman yet I’m convinced my younger lover will leave me for someone his own age.
At 41, I’m 16 years older than him. We’ve been together for a year and things have become serious fast.
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Our sex life is out of this world and I feel we’re both in our prime. We get on brilliantly. We never argue and we laugh all the time.
He’s 25 and moved in with me a few months ago. He says he loves me and wants a future with me — one that includes marriage and children.
But I’m his first proper girlfriend. He’s admitted that he used to be a bit of a lad in the past, and he’s slept around.
He won’t tell me exactly how many women there have been, but I imagine he has over a hundred notches on his belt.
He swears things are different with me. He says I’m the first woman he’s made love to — not just had sex with — and that he’s never told anyone he loved them before.
But I’m starting to wonder if he’s really ready to settle down or whether he needs to spend a few more years sowing his wild oats.
The problem is, at my age, this is probably my last chance to have a baby with someone. If we’re going to have a family, we need to start trying right away.
What if he just sees me as some sort of older woman experience and eventually grows tired of me because he wants to go back to his old lifestyle?
And even if he is serious and committed now, how will he feel when I’m a 60-year-old nearing my pension and he’s in his early 40s?
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It’s starting to spoil our relationship as it plays on my mind all the time. It’s making me anxious and miserable.
Could this relationship work long-term?
DEIDRE SAYS: Relationships with large age gaps can work. Perhaps your boyfriend really is ready to settle down. Empty sex gets boring.
Now he’s found real love he won’t miss meaningless encounters.
Remember, some men your own age aren’t ready for serious relationships. It’s a question of mentality, not age.
My support pack With A Younger Man? will help you.
As for the future, there are no guarantees in life, or relationships. He may change down the line. And, of course, so might you.
People’s needs and their circumstances do alter over the course of long relationships. The key is to grow together, not apart.
My support pack on Looking After Your Relationship should help here.
Try to live in the present and let the future take care of itself.
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