Is it cheating to have virtual sex with someone other than my husband? | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: SURELY video sex doesn’t count as cheating on my man? It’s not like I had actual sex.

I’m 49, my husband is 56 and we have been married for 23 years.

We’ve always had a healthy sex life, getting intimate three or four times a week. However things changed last year when my husband had a health scare.

Last summer, he started to find his usual 90-minute tennis session a bit of a struggle. He’d get really out of breath and feel lightheaded.

He visited the GP and it turned out his prostate was enlarged — a potential sign of cancer.

Thankfully, he was given the all-clear a few months later.


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But now he’s obsessed with germs — it’s like a phobia, he’s constantly cleaning the house or himself.

He’s also lost all interest in sex.

It’s been hard adjusting to this lack of physical contact. I can’t help but feel disconnected because he won’t even hug me.

One night, I couldn’t sleep, so took my iPad downstairs to do a bit of online shopping.

An ad popped up for a website for those looking for “companionship”.

My curiosity got the better of me, and so I ended up clicking through and making an account.

What I didn’t realise was that by companionship, they meant virtual sex. Within half an hour, I had messages from three different men.

One of them looked like my husband when we first met — tall and chiselled.

I messaged him and we ended up chatting for an hour. He messaged me the next night and asked if I wanted to video-call.

I was looking forward to another flirty conversation, but we ended up pleasuring ourselves on camera while watching each other.

It felt great to be wanted again.

I confided in my best friend about what I’d done. I thought she’d find it funny. But she was disgusted and accused me of cheating.

Is she right, even though I’ve never properly met this man?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Yes. I’m sure you would feel devastated if you knew your husband was having video sex with others.

You need to tell your husband about how the lack of intimacy is affecting your relationship.

He has had a worrying time and understandably would have felt anxious.

His health is no longer under threat but he is struggling to readjust and could benefit from counselling to help him deal with his anxiety and reconnect with you.

My support pack, How Counselling Can Help? shows where to find support

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to [email protected]

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

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