My husband needs me as his carer but he's been cheating all his life

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has been diagnosed with dementia and I’m now his carer. But I don’t see a man with a cruel disease – I see a man who constantly cheated on me and cared little for the feelings of me and our kids.

He was unfaithful all through our marriage until he started losing his memory. He is 68, I’m 64 and we’ve been together for 40 years.


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Three times I tried to leave but he would never sell the house to let me move on.

Now he is trying his best but I have all the same hateful feelings as back then.

If I vent my anger, he’s forgotten half an hour later.

The stress of it all will get to me before he succumbs to the Alzheimer’s.

DEIDRE SAYS: I fully understand your howl of anguish but the man who hurt you so badly has disappeared, leaving this shell of a person in his place: A different character with little recollection of the hurtful past.

Find understanding support – where you can vent your frustrations and know you are being properly heard – through Dementia UK (dementiauk.org, 0800 888 6678).

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