My lover's cheating on me – but I'm also sleeping with someone else
DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover is cheating on me but I can’t complain because I’m also seeing someone else.
I’m a woman of 32 and was with my guy, who is 35, for three years. I thought he was The One, the love of my life.
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But a year ago, I found out he was having an affair. I was devastated and ended our relationship.
I then met someone else and started seeing him. He is 34 and totally different from my ex: solid, reliable and stable — much better husband material, in fact.
But I never really got over my ex. And three months ago, he got in touch begging me to take him back.
I resisted for a while, but eventually I gave in to temptation.
One night, he came round late and we ended up having sex. It was mind-blowing and made me realise why I Iiked him so much.
Since then, we’ve met regularly for sex.
But last week I felt a bit suspicious after we had made love because he insisted on having a shower before he went home.
I confronted him and he said he is still seeing the woman he cheated on me with. She is staying with him at his house.
He said it’s me he wants but she has nowhere to go, so he can’t end it with her.
I can’t say anything because I’m still seeing the second guy. My ex doesn’t know about him.
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I was going to break up with my new lover but now I’ve found out my ex is cheating, I don’t know what to do.
It’s only a matter of time before they find out about each other. I wish they could be combined into one guy.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Nobody has the moral high ground here. And yes, you are both cheating.
But the difference is your ex is cheating on you because he likes to have his cake and eat it, while you have got yourself into a pickle because you still love him.
If he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have lied about being single, or made excuses as to why he can’t stop seeing the other woman.
He has taken advantage of your feelings.
Perhaps you have to be honest with yourself and accept that neither guy is right for you.
Your ex can give you great sex but not the commitment you crave. And though your new lover is nice, he doesn’t excite you.
My support packs Your Lover Not Free and Addictive Love could help you understand your feelings.
Maybe it is time to end both relationships and start to value yourself, so you can find a man who truly deserves you and who makes you happy.
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