My wife hasn’t wanted sex for years — is it because she was abused growing up? – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVEN’T had sex with my wife for almost four years and it was always me who instigated it when we did.

I’m 34 and my wife is 32. We have been married for nine years and have two children together.

My wife was sexually abused by her uncle when she was growing up.

I did wonder if this might be the issue. But if that was the case, surely it would have been an issue all the way through our relationship and not just more recently?

When I try to approach the subject, she fobs me off with excuses that she is tired or not in the mood.

Now I am struggling to maintain an erection, which I think is partly down to the lack of action.

I can’t stay in a sexless marriage but I love my wife and I would miss her – and, of course, the kids – so much if I left.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is common for the aftermath of sexual abuse to surface many years later, but it’s also probably a jigsaw of issues that has dulled your wife’s sex drive.

Tell your wife you love her but your sex life needs sorting. My e-leaflet Seeing A Sex Therapist explains.

And you can both find understanding for the after-effects of abuse through the National Association for People Abused in Childhood (, 0808 801 0331).

Meanwhile, organise family fun days – and a babysitter, so that you can enjoy nights out together as a couple.

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